Give My Dog a Bone

It was a pretty nice day today, so I took my dog out for a walk around the neighborhood. His name is Stog, by the way, and he's a maniac. Now most dogs like to chase sticks. Since he's made of sticks, that wouldn't make any sense. He'd chew himself apart. Nope, he likes to chase humans.

So we pass by some poor guy mowing his lawn (another hideously evil task; grass is a distant cousin in our family) and I knew there'd be trouble. Stog launched towards the guy before I could get a tight grip on his leash. The guy stood there like a doofus before he realized that this stick dog wanted to rip off a leg. So he ran, but not before Stog took a chunk out of his Levis. The dude grabs a stick and tries to beat Stog off. Again, makes no sense, and it doesn't do any good.

But, see, I'm a pretty sharp stick. I actually brought a little doggie treat for him just in case a human mauling happened (which it has before). "Here boy," I call, waving a Miracle Gro spike. Well, that got Stog's attention. He let go of the poor guy's leg and came bounding over to me. The guy limped off into his garage, probably to get he hedge clippers. Needless to say, we took off.

I guess you can say that we're not very good friends with our neighbors. My dad spotted the firepit family again and put out their genocide fun with a fire extinguisher. Add our little stick dog attack, and I'm surprised that we haven't had the cops called on us.

By the way, our house isn't made of wood. What kind of sickos do you think we are? It's got concrete walls.

Camping Carnage

I saw something this evening that really peevs me off. Some family was out back enjoying some family time...with a campfire! You know, I thought that racism was dying out, gender roles were slowly coming to an end, blah blah blah. But you can go into any Walmart and buy a number of stick-killing firepits. Hey, I know what we can do tonight, kids. Let's go murder some poor, innocent group of sticks. We'll sit around the carnage and even use their still burning carcasses to toast some marshmallows. Sounds fun!

I say a little consideration for the stick people of the world! Let us live in peace, or a least let us live! You don't need us to provide fuel for cooking anymore, so why not go inside and enjoy your natural gas fireplace? No need to go all caveman on us.

Tomorrow my fam is going to visit our Grandpa, Pappy Stick, and our great-grandpa, Ole Walkin' Stick. He's an old hickory that likes to remind us to take our shoes off in the house so we don't track leaves in. Can't wait for the excitement. I just hope we don't stick around too long. Sunday Night Baseball is on later, and I love to watch a little stick ball.

The Hiking Disaster

So do you remember me saying that Dip Stick and I were going on a hike in the woods? Yeah, that was a nightmare.

There's a park not too far from my house, so we just walked over. "Stick with me," I told Dip Stick, but he's a few leaves short of a full bloom, if you know what I mean. Anyway, the next thing I know, he's not around me. I'm yelling for him, but the guy doesn't really say much. I start to panic. The problem is that, well, he's a stick, and we're in the woods, which is full of...sticks. I'm yelling for him and getting no response. Now, I'm not a weeping willow or anything, but I was getting pretty scared.

I was searching and yelling for about 15 minutes, and I finally found him by a creek dangling his feet in the water and giggling. "You aspen," I said. "I've been looking for you. Why didn't you answer me???"

"Huh," was all he said. What an acorn for brains.

Next week we're going to Cedar Point to ride the wooden roller coaster. I WAS going to bring Dip Stick along with us, but now I'm not so sure. I'm not spending my entire vacation searching for the dude.

The Beginning

Hello from your pal Sticky Stick! I've never tried to journal on the web, but I'm willing to give it a shot. I am, after all, a modern stick.

For those who don't know me, I am a stick. Seriously. Not the kind who falls off the tree, though. I'm a stick person. Which can stink at times. You ever try finding pants that fit? Yeah, I've heard it before from you girls, but come on. I'm a size 27...centimeters! Oh, and getting a caricature drawing of myself? Complete rip-off.

But overall it's a pretty good life. I'm off school right now. It's summer, and I'm having a blast. My bark is getting a nice tan cause I've been out in the yard a lot this summer. And I've only been picked up by a dog twice since school let out. It's not cool being a dog's favorite chew toy, let me tell you.

Hopefully I'll be back on and writing about what's going on daily. I'm supposed to meet my pal Dip Stick for a a little hike in the woods. We're going to be hiking sticks. Later.